First, the smearing of the humble plate of ‘chowmein’ for encouraging an aggressive sexual behaviour. Now, the ‘phoren’ bull!

Haryana Minister of Animal Husbandry and Dairy, Om Prakash Dhankar’s comment relegating foreign bulls in the bovine ladder for not being ritugami (mating according to the reproductive season) unlike Indian bulls and further calling them ‘similar’ to the people of the countries they come from, deserves consideration for its ingenuity. He apparently went on further to accuse the bulls, of violating other animals too; therefore, not just remaining confined to cows.

Laughter. Pause. Facepalm.

Comments like these also intrigue the mind deeply, leading it to waste some precious time in conjecturing what kind of brain cells exactly sows such seed of thought? What kind of cell division makes a person so impossibly hilarious? And how do we manage to breed such people so rampantly in India? Donald Trump would have had a tough competition if he had contested in India!

For generations (and in fact even now), Indian mothers have been encouraged to listen to holy scriptures like The Bhagavad Gita to impact the child in her womb physically, mentally and even spiritually. If Abhimanyu could come out knowing about the Chakravyuh (even though just a half of it), one believes that the science behind this practice must hold water. How did we then, produce people whose social wisdom (forget spiritual) is so farcical? It is like taking The New Cow Theory, as discussed therapeutically by the lovelorn Jane aka Dr Charles (Ashley Judd) in Someone Like You – a theory that states that a bull does not mount a cow twice – and attesting that foreign cows are indeed promiscuous and lustful and therefore go around impregnating every other cow in sight, mating season or not. 

Having said that, the minister in question actually addressed a big issue of sheltering cows in gau-abhayaranyas (cow sanctuaries) which will definitely help us from hitting off the odd rambling cow on the streets, roads and highways. If only, he had stuck to that and not blabbered why we need to embrace desi and shun bidesi (imported cows in Haryana)!

Now, I don’t know if people who have stopped having chowmein after the khap panchayat alert, have stopped raping or even having consensual sex. Four years since the comment, rapists and the act of rape are still at large, so I guess the culprit is more than just fast food, if I am to contemplate on their behalf! I wonder if the Indian men who have raped Indian and foreign women alike are ritugami or consent-gami! I also wonder what kind of breeding could actually keep men and bulls with ball-bursting horniness in check.

But I can assure one thing. That in the middle of all this tomfoolery, no matter what kind of trolls we do or how much attention we pay or don’t pay to them, people with a mic to speak on but lacking the requisite verbal self-editing software, will continue to amuse us.

 

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